pessimist

more things keep going wrong

Interview with Starbucks let me know I'd be starting at minimum wage, over two dollars less than what I've been making for the past year and a half. I've never made so little. Two more interviews this week, he said, and hopefully he'll give me a call. Crap pay but since my credit card payment and all of my bills finally went through, I have less than $100. Paycheck on Friday will be more, what, $50? Great. Enough to cover my cell-phone, but too bad I have a $265 car payment due on the 24th. How am I going to pay for that? Sell books on ebay? Do I really have any other options? It will still be three weeks before a paycheck comes my way, but having a job will make me feel safe/secure/sane.

I have a UTI. It was pretty painful last night. Doesn't hurt nearly as much this morning. Pure cranberry juice tastes awful but I keep taking shots because I know it will help get rid of the UTI. Well, I hope it will.

The washer machine is broken. Belt? Agitator? I don't know. I'll call in to request a work order, but with this run down place, who knows how long it will take for them to even arrive. You'd think this would be a priority of some type since I won't be able to do laundry but they just take their time with everything else so who fucking knows.

Now I'm constantly looking at the clock, a countdown in my head for when the train arrives, knowing there's no way in hell my soaking wet clothes from last night will be dry. A dress? perhaps. not shorts. Today I do not want to feel pasty and fat.

I want control back in my life, God. Lessons take a while to learn, I understand, but please, please stop doing this to me. I can't take any more anxiety attacks or crying myself to sleep. Send me an opportunity to redeem myself and show you that I can get back on the path I'm meant to be on.