I spent the better part of the last hour venting and begging Chad to move back in, even though we both know it would be the ultimate end for us. I am so incredibly overwhelmed that I want to curl up in a ball and ignore the world for a few days, but I can't because I have school and work and doctor's appointments and maid duties because my goddamn sister can't spend twenty minutes of her day cleaning without me asking her first. You are still unemployed, taking less classes than me and spend x amount more time at home than I. Why the fuck don't you clean at all?

There is only one more month of living with her. A month and two weeks, really. I don't know when exactly she's moving to Fort Collins, but it's some time in December. I would prefer her gone right after graduation, but knowing her, she'd trash the place and refuse to clean and I wouldn't be able to do jack shit because I'll be in Washington until the 22nd. No, she'll probably take her sweet old time moving out because it will better convenience her, paying no nevermind to how it may affect my life whatsoever.

My transfer FINALLY went through, though I'm still stuck with one shift with Ozzy, but the other three days will be at the mall. Immediately I'll be working ten more hours each week. I also have my review next week where I will hopefully be getting a raise. He talked about going up to $8.00 automatically but now everyone is telling me it's definitely not a guarantee. Anything will be better than minimum wage, and I'll also be working more hours at the mall, so I think I can wait it out. But I will only have two weeks to save up money during the winter holidays because I'll be gone for 5 days - no work there - then my winterim semester begins the third day of January and I can only work Saturday through Monday for two weeks. How am I supposed to properly save up money? I hate winter break. It's not a break at all! Yes, it's my choice to take the winterim class, yes, it is, but I NEED the class and if I can take it by itself and focus entirely on it, why the hell not? I'll still be available all week long once the rest of the semester starts so who knows, maybe I can save up money then. But I still don't have a roommate lined up for when Danielle does move out. Mom said she'd pay for January to give me more time, but I cannot find anyone right now who is even interested. I know of a few people who would like to move out but they're all allergic to cats ... of which I have three. So there go all of my options.I'm really trying not to get overwhelmed with finding a roommate, but how the hell can I NOT think about it right now? It's less than two months away! I was thinking of asking my dad to help me out a little bit and I could just use my college savings to fill in the rest of rent, but then I'll have no savings whatsoever, no what if account, nothing to fall back on if I get denied hours. What am I supposed to do.

The great thing about all of this is that I can't even talk to my sister about it because every time we have serious conversations, she gets up and walks away because I'm yelling at her. I yell when you ignore the words coming out of my mouth. Yelling is much better than being physical, and with how pissed off you're making me every single fucking day, you're lucky it's just words. And I have to cut back on seeing Chad, even though I see him for maybe four hours each weekend before I fall asleep. But still that's too much. Because there's so much work that needs to be done around the house when you're the only one cleaning and that means less time spent on homework, so what kind of idiot would spend what little time they do have on seeing their boyfriend instead of doing said-homework. Me, obviously. But that will change, especially with me working mornings at the mall. I won't be able to see him more than once a week. & now I'm crying because that pisses me off so much.

I can't write any more.